How to improve your relationships with a perception exercise

I love optical illusions, don’t you?  They show us that the mind doesn’t see reality as it is, but rather interprets the information which then gives meaning to it.  This just about interpreting some abstract concept, but sensory information itself which we base our experience on and assume to be what is real (for ourselves and others).

Some interesting illusions

The challenge our perceptions, and helps us to look at things in different perspectives.  Here are some interesting ones:

Do you see an old woman or young lady?

This is so much more interesting when you share it with someone, and check out what they see.  These are fairly common images that with some explanation most people can actually see both perspectives. Here’s the latest image that has been creating a storm:

Some people see the image as blue and black, and others as white and gold.  The amazing thing is, most people find it challenging to see the other colour no matter how hard they try.  They are totally blind to what others are seeing, try as hard as they may!

Strengths Application

Optical Illusions – A Metaphor for our Perceptions

What has optical illusions have to do with strengths?  This is a fine illustration of how different people can have different realities and how that causes conflicts if we assume that what we see must be real for everyone.  These illusions show us that people see things differently in a fun and practical way.  In the same way, our talents are filters by which we interpret events in our life and give meaning to them.  It impacts our experiences, and being aware of this can drastically impact our relationships, and how we work with other people.

Responding to Differences – The Dress

While the first few optical illusions create some space for seeing things differently, the last image often illicit a different response from people.  One common question I’ve heard people ask when people see different colours is this:

“What’s wrong with you?!”

Of course, later people found out that there’s really nothing wrong with the person, but in fact the mind is trying to balance out the over-exposure of the image, and hence interprets the image differently.   Unlike the first two illusions, most people don’t try to  see what the other person sees because it seems “obvious”.    “It is OBVIOUSLY blue and black (or white and gold), what’s wrong with you?”

Responding to Differences – In Life

Responding to different people in our lives don’t seem that much different.  Something is obvious to us, that should be obvious to the other people…. only, it isn’t.

“It’s obvious that you should identify all the risks before you jump into it!”  Says Mr Deliberative to Ms Activator.

“It’s obvious that you don’t care for my feelings!” Says Mr Empathy to Mr Command

Of course, this are just generalisations but if we look back in our own experiences, chances are we will find these experiences aren’t uncommon in our own lives.

Case Study

I recently did a workshop with some groups of leaders, and in one of the groups, most of them had the “responsibility” theme.  Looking at the Team Grid, I asked one of them how does the person see those without the responsibility theme.  The reply was short and to the point “Oh, they just aren’t committed enough.”

Ouch.

This perception can have powerful impact on the group, especially since most of them have the Responsibility Theme and interact with each other in a particular way.  There’s an unspoken expectation of ownership of task that is place upon everyone, even those who doesn’t have Responsibility in their dominant themes. This can result in those without the Responsibility Theme (minority) being judged by those who do (majority), and this perception can cause great riffs if one isn’t mature in managing it.

Once their perception bias was pointed out, it was accepted, and we all realised that we need to be able to appreciate each person for who they are, and understand how we are seeing others through our own filters, and how others are operating through theirs.

Fortunately, with StrengthsFinder, this makes understanding each others’ filter much easier.

Application

If there’s someone who you find challenging to work with, here are some ways to look at it:

1. What are your own talent themes, and how do they affect your perception of the situation or the person?
2. What are the talent themes of the other person, and how do they affect the other person’s perception of the situation or their perception of you?
3. How can help each other see the other’s perspective?
4. In some cases (like the dress example), we simply can’t see what the other person’s perspective is.  How do you give space to each other, and appreciate each others differences even though you may not be able to see what the other person sees?

How does an understanding of perception, and understanding the possibility of your blindness towards the other person’s perspective affect the way you relate to others?  How can knowing your own talents and the talents of others help you?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!