Many of us encounter situations where we feel stuck. Sometimes we are able to get ourselves free, other times it is much more challenging.
Before I carry on, I would like to share a story on how to catch a monkey.
How to Catch a Monkey
There are many variations to this story, but it’s quite instructive. In South America, Africa and Asia, the natives have devised a very effective method of trapping monkeys. The plan is deceptively simple: the natives take a gourd or some similar object and drill a hole just large enough for a monkey’s hand to pass through; they add some extra weight to the gourd with sand or pebbles, then put a nut or some fruit inside and place the gourd where a monkey will find it.
Here’s what happens: the monkey sticks his hand through the hole to get the food — but with the prize in its grasp, the monkey cannot get its hand back out. The hole is too small for the monkey’s hand to pass through so long as it’s holding the treat, and the gourd is too heavy for the creature to carry. Because the monkey will not let go of its prize, it becomes trapped. The animal gives up its freedom to hold on to a small piece of food.
It seems obvious that all the monkey needs to do is let go of the bait and it can escape. But because it views the treat as its possession and is not willing to let go, the monkey is trapped. It loses its freedom.
(If you are interested to see a 1-min documentary video on this, watch this video)
What are we holding on to?
Many times we stuck simply because we are holding on to something so tightly that we lose our freedom, or our ability to move forward. And usually, we are either unaware that is happening, and sometimes we let go where it’s too late.
“There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.” – Donald Rumsfeld
If one of the reasons for this is a lack of awareness, and we don’t know what we don’t know, how do we become more aware of what’s making us stuck?
One of the ways is to explore it through our talent themes – Our naturally recurring patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.
Identifying what makes you stuck
Our Talent Themes can inform us of our needs, and often times we are holding on so tightly to these needs that we get stuck.
As an illustration, meet Adrian who has Analytical in his dominant themes. He works very well with data, and often times needs a lot of facts and information in order to make a (informed) decision. To him, any decision made based on emotions or intuition is rash, irrational and sometimes seen as total nonsense. The bigger the decision, the more information he needs in order to make a decision, and often times he gets stuck because the amount of information he is looking for isn’t available at the point in time leading him to “analysis paralysis”.
The metaphorical “bait” that trapped Adrian is his need for information, and to make sense of the information he has on hand.
Here’s a simple exercise to help you identify potential areas which you may end up trapping yourself.
- Get a piece of blank paper
- List down your top 5 Talent Themes
- Write down what the needs of each talent theme is. (It may help to think about past incidents when you were stuck)
If you had given this exercise sufficient time and consideration, you would have mapped out some potential traps for yourself that you can look out for in the future.
Solution #1 – Giving Yourself Permission to Let Go
The way for the monkey to free itself was simple, it just needed to let go. In the same way, we sometimes need to let go of the things we hold so tightly on to.
In Adrian’s case, it was to let go of the need for (too much) information. How much information was really necessary? Could he work with what he had on hand, and gather more data as the team moved along? After all, a car could get pretty far on a half-tank, and get topped up further down the road.
Take a look at the list you have created for yourself, and make a mental note of what your needs are, how those needs can be met, and to what degree they must be met before you allow yourself to move on.
In reality, we need to let go and then we will realise that things aren’t as bad as we thought they might be. What do you need to let go of today?
Solution #2 – Give Someone Else the Permission to Remind You
当局者迷，旁观者清
~ Chinese Proverb, “Dang ju zhe mi, pang guan zhe qing” means those closely involved cannot see as clearly as those outside.
We are often times unaware of our own perceptions and behaviours. Having someone to gently remind us (or some of us need a swift kick to the butt!) when we get stuck can be extremely helpful. Remember that no man is an island.
Who can help remind you when you get stuck? Share with someone at work and at home, and let the person know that you would appreciate it if the person helped you by reminding you to let go whenever they see you stuck.
Remember that knowledge in and of itself isn’t power. It is powerful when you translate it into action. Don’t just read this article, but actually go put it into practice.
If you are someone who is willing to take action to accelerate your growth and maximize your potential, coaching will take you to the next level. Click here to learn how coaching can benefit you, and schedule a free introductory session.
Share your thoughts in the comments below. What are some of things that trap you, and how would giving yourself permission o let go affect the way you do things?
Get more information about StrengthsFinder by visiting http://gallupstrengthscenter.com
