Why understanding our strengths is important, and how to unlock it.
Happy New Year Everyone! As we begin the new year, many of us are evaluating our previous year’s goals and setting new ones for the year. Well, I have been doing so, and one of my personal goals is to hit a body fat percentage (BF%) of 12%! “Vanity” I hear some people say, oh well, I guess everyone is to a degree.
I started off with about 24%, dropped to around 18% and recently came back up to 20% (Must be the holiday food!). I don’t think I look like 20% BF, but I certainly hope to achieve a better physique, some of you know what’s like right? And it doesn’t help that I have a group of friends who are either physical trainers, or gym-fanatics who post their shredded 6-pack / 8-pack photos on social media. I then look at the mirror and wonder if I should engage one of them for personal training! In the midst of this, I started to realise that I’ve started down the “I wish I was like….” train of thought.
“I was I had 6-pack like this xxx”
“I wish I could speak at a conference of 2,000 people like xxx”
“I wish I could lift as much weights as xxx”
The Quicksand Of Envying Others
Many of us start off with wishing what others have, and sometimes when we don’t get it, our own internal dialogue can get rather negative. Before we know it, we can start engaging in self-judgement and bringing ourselves down. Research shows that only 8% of people achieve their new year resolutions, so if we aren’t careful, the envying of other people’s achievements can be a slow sinking quicksand to negativity.
The words “I wish…”, “If Only….”, “How is it that others can… but I can’t”, would be some red-flags that you are engaging in such thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes seeing other people’s achievements can spur and motivate us as well, but if we find that we end up without greater motivation for action, but with more self-judgement, than it is something that we should stop doing.
Look inwards – Discover & Develop Your Own Strengths
“Every person is capable of doing something better than the next 10,000 people.”
– Marcus Buckingham & Donald O. Clifton, “Now, Discover Your Strengths”
I believe that we are all unique, and the best way to improve ourselves and contribute to those around us, is to first discover how we are uniquely wired. I personally love the Clifton StrengthsFinder 2.0 Tool which really drive home how unique each individual is – The probability of finding someone with the same top 5 talent themes in the same order as you occurs 1 in 33 million! If you like, there are other tools that would help you to understand your own uniqueness, my suggestion is to go for one that is based on a strengths-based approach.
As we all have our own blind spots and biases, it can take some time for us to really see who we are, and to accept ourselves in totality. i.e. Our Strengths, Our Weaknesses, Our Needs, Our Desires, Our Motivations. Especially if you grow up in an environment that tends to judge you, we often restrict ourselves and conform to the norms.
Discovering and accepting ourselves doesn’t mean that we stay the way that we are. That’s a misapplication of strengths. It means we now have better understanding of who we are, how we are wired, and a clear starting point! We can’t get to our destination if we don’t know where our starting point is!
“We can’t reach our end destination if we don’t know where our starting point is, even if you have the best map in the world.”
– Alex Wong
For many of us, this means discovering and accepting ourselves in totality.
The next thing is to build up our strengths. Have you ever seen someone who has never worked out before trying to lift a 100kg weight right from the start? In the best case scenario, he will not be able to lift the weights, in the worst case, he would have seriously (and perhaps permanently) injured himself.
Anyone who does physical training knows the importance of consistent and progressive training. Training needs to be consistent so that your body can adapt, it also needs to increase in weight so that it can continue to grow and not stagnate.
It is the same way in building our strengths! We need to work at it consistently, with increasing challenges so that we can grow in maturity. Some of us have the mistaken notion that using our talents means that everything would be easy, or effortless, but the truth is, building strengths require effort, the willingness to step out of your comfort zone, and the willingness to face the possibility of failure.
Everyone of us belongs to one of 3 body types – Ectomorph, Mesomorph, and Endomorph. Many of us wish that we have the Mesomorph Body Type that builds muscle easily, without gaining much fat, yet not have metabolism so high that you basically look like stick. But even if someone had a Mesomorph Body Type, but all he did was laze on the couch eating pizza and drinking soda, he can still end up obese.
In the same way, even when we discover our talents, we need to put it to work, so that it can become our strengths. Yes, it will take sweat, effort, and time, but that’s how strengths are built. If we try to tackle a challenge without first putting in the effort in training ourselves up, we will likely find ourselves lacking. But if we put the effort in developing ourselves, we can surprise ourselves at how can can come up on top of our challenges when it matters.
Look Outwards – Build Partnerships, Seek Mentors
“No man is an island.”
– John Donne
I believe it is the sin of pride that makes us want to do (or be able to do) everything ourselves. It takes a certain sense of humility to acknowledge our weakness, and recognise that someone does something better than us.
I grow up with this motto I learnt from my mother “If someone can do it, I can do it better!”, and it was something that she taught me to repeat to myself since I was a small boy. Now, imagine a little boy of 12, trying to do everything better than everyone else. I starting doing more of things where that statement rang true, and I avoided things where it didn’t hold true. I felt great when it came to studies (making me more of a nerd everyday), and I avoided most competitive sports – soccer, basketball, track & field etc, because I simply wasn’t good enough, and never was willing to put in enough effort to practice enough to become better.
I believe this greatly narrowed what I could do, and was willing to do, because I was so individualistic and tried to do everything better than others. And where I couldn’t there was a sense of guilt or even shame. Imagine how different life would be for me if I could have lived without that unnecessary guilt and shame.
When we discover that “No man is an island” and really embrace it, we can take the next step to seek complimentary partnerships. Discover what we do well, and what others do better than ourselves, and then come together and do something great!
“I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.”
– Mother Teresa
I love what Mother Theresa said, and I think it embodies the spirit of confident vulnerability, leading to complimentary partnerships that achieves extraordinary things.
Another way to build up our strengths is to seek a mentor or a coach (Learn about the benefits of coaching here). Having a mentor or coach will help to speed up your development process, and also help you see things that you can’t, i.e. overcome your blind spots.
“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.”
– Isaac Newton
Finding a mentor can be easier than it seems, we only need to keep our eyes open. The Chinese have a saying “三人行，必有我师” meaning, “If three of us walk together, at least one of the other two is good enough to be my teacher.” Look around our immediate community and see if there’s something that you can learn from them. Most people would be flattered when you ask them to mentor you in a specific area; and most would also be willing to teach you, even if they are unwilling to be called your mentor.
Look Beyond – Seek and Fulfil Your Purpose
I believe that our talents are only useful in the context of fulfilling our purpose in life. And I believe that you were born to do something that no one else can do. You are uniquely designed for a specific purpose, or for specific purposes.
There are many different views on the topic of life purpose, and here’s my take on it.
- Your Passions and Your Strengths will provide you with hints on what that purpose is.
- Discovering your life purpose is a journey, it typical gets clearer with time.
- Your life purpose typically involves making a positive contribution to others
- Your life purpose doesn’t need to be grandiose, it can be simple and specific, but it creates great meaning and fulfilment for you
Take time to explore and discover what your purpose it, it is there that your talents and strengths will make the greatest impact, and create the greatest meaning for you.
What is one step you can take today to make 2016 your best year ever? Share it in the comments below.
