“Can I give you some feedback?”
Most people have a churn in their stomach when we hear this, and the first internal response that we have is “Oh no, what have I done wrong?”
Giving proper feedback is extremely powerful, but given wrongly, feedback can be ineffective or even have a negative impact. We are all familiar with “feedback” which is given poorly. These includes feedback that even sounds like personal attack when given.
Giving Feedback from a “Strengths Perspective”
I’d like to share from Bernie Brown’s book “Daring Greatly”, and there’s this paragraph on giving feedback that I feel is just brilliant. And here it is:
For the best guidance on how to give feedback that moves people and processes forward, I turn to my social work roots. In my experience the heart of valuable feedback is taking the “strengths perspective”. According to social work educator Dennis Saleebey, viewing performance from the strengths perspective offers us the opportunity to examine our struggles in light of our capacities, talents, competencies, possibilities, visions, values, and hopes. This perspective doesn’t dismiss the serious nature of our struggles; however, it does require us to consider our positive qualities as potential resources. Dr. Saleebey proposes, “It is as wrong to deny the possible as it is to deny the problem.”
One effective method for understanding our strengths is to examine the relationship between strengths and limitations. If we look at what we do best as well as what we want to change the most, we will often find that the two are varying degrees of the same core behaviour. Most of us can go through the majority of our “faults” or “limitations” and find strengths lurking within.
For example, I can beat myself up for being too controlling and micromanaging, or I can recognise that I’m very responsible, dependable, and committed to quality work.The micromanaging issues don’t go away, but by viewing them from a strengths perspective, I have the confidence to look at myself and assess the behaviours I’d like to change.
I want to emphasise that the strengths perspective is not a tool to simply allow us to put a positive spin on a problem and consider it solved. But by first enabling us to inventory our strengths, it suggests ways we can use those strengths to address the related challenges. One way I teach this perspective to students is by requiring them to give and receive feedback on their classroom presentations. When a student presents, s/he receives feedback from everyone one of his or her classmates. The students in the audience have to identify three observable strengths and one opportunity for growth. The trick is that they have to use their assess me of the strengths to make a suggestion on how the individual might address the specified opportunity.
The research made this clear: Vulnerability is at the heart of the feedback process. This is true whether we give, receive, or solicit feedback. And the vulnerability doesn’t go away even if we’re trained and experienced in offering and getting feedback. Experience does however, give us the advantage of knowing that we can survive the exposure and uncertainty, and that it’s worth the risk.
– Brene Brown, Daring Greatly, Pg 199-200
Although this is not a StrengthsFinder book per se, this is certainly a form of strengths-based thinking. And it affirms why focusing on a person’s strength is so much more effective than focusing on one’s weakness. Her example of someone who micro-manages is a very good example of someone high in the StrengthsFinder Responsibility Theme even though she may not have realised it.
Inventorying our strengths helps to keep our (internal) resources in sight as we address the challenges we face, and giving feedback this way can sound a lot less judgemental, and can be a lot more helpful.
I love how she gives a practical way of giving feedback – by identifying 3 strengths first, and then link the strengths on how one might use it in their own area of growth. Simply beautiful!
Guidelines for giving feedback
Here are some additional guidelines for giving feedback.
- Address the behaviour and highlight the impact
Often times, people unconsciously use labelling as part of the feedback that is provided. For example, “Why are you so stupid to….” is one way to quickly shut down communication between two parties. A slightly better approach is “xxx was a stupid thing to do…”, but it is still a form of labelling and can still get people defensive all the same.By focusing on the behaviour and it’s impact, the feedback becomes a lot more factual and appears a lot less like a person attack. It can take the form of “When you do xxx, the impact or outcome is yyyy.” - Normalize the behaviour
Chances are, many people are guilty of the same behaviour (perhaps even yourself in the past). By helping the person receive the feedback normalize the behaviour, it will reduce the feeling for shame, and also help the person feel that he is not alone. This can reduce defensiveness and increase willingness to change. - Make a request for behavioural change
Telling people what isn’t working without telling them what behaviours to move towards can leave a person feeling lost. If you are taking a more coaching approach, help the person identify the new behaviours to adopt. If the behaviour requires compliance (e.g. for safety or legal reasons). Once the desired behaviour has been identified, make a request for the change of behaviour. - Offer help
Once we normalize the behaviour, the person is likely to be more receptive to receive help. Offering help doesn’t mean taking on the person’s responsibilities, but to offer support that will help behavioural change. This support can come in the form of real-time feedback, accountability or even rewards and recognition systems.
How have you been giving feedback, and in what ways can you improve it? Share your thoughts and comments on feedback giving… or perhaps, why not practice giving some feedback now below.
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