Handling conflicts is something that we all need to deal with at one point or the other. For people with high Command Talent Themes, this would probably come quite naturally. On the other hand, someone with high Harmony Talent Theme might have more of a challenge.
Here are two points extracted from the Gallup’s Site on Harmony:
- You look for areas of agreement. In your view there is little to be gained from conflict and friction, so you seek to hold them to a minimum.
- (Be Ready to) Practice your techniques for resolving conflict without confrontation. Without these polished techniques you might find yourself simply running away from conflicts, leaving them unresolved. This could lead you to passive/aggressive behaviour.
- Clarify the conflict by talking through each party’s stance.
For example, “You seem to be suggesting that we really need to focus on elevating our gross revenue before we invest in a new IT strategy. Is that right?” or “It seems like we’re envisioning two different levels of risk. Tell me more about what you’re seeing as the downside.” - Consult a neutral friend or colleague
Discussing the problem with someone else will make it seem smaller. The social interaction will also put you in a more collaborative, connected state of mind. - Reframe, refocus, and redirect the conversation.
Use the conflict as a springboard to find common ground. Say something like, “Let’s leave this aside for the moment and think about another way to approach the issue.”
I think point 2 basically causes you to be able to get a 3rd party opinion without the emotional baggage (which makes you more open-minded). Personally, I’m more interested to explore Points 1 & 3 from a Talent Theme point of view.
Just as a case study, let’s use the Signature Themes of a gentleman we shall call Joe (Actual person with the name changed to protect his identity).
- Achiever
- Deliberative
- Relator
- Self-Assurance
- Responsibility
Clarify the conflict by talking through each party’s stance.
This is a nice suggestion, but rather than look at the suggested behaviour, I’d look at the outcome to be achieved. Based on the description provided under the headings, I’m going to make an educated guess on what the outcome is – Understanding the other person’s position / point of view.
Using the language of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, this would be Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
I would ask Joe two very simple questions:
- Which Theme(s) could he use to understand the other person’s position / point of view?
Could he use his Relator theme to build a stronger relationship and from there build greater understanding? Could he use his Deliberative to examine the risks of both his own and the other person’s approach? - Which Theme(s) might be preventing him from understanding the other person’s position / point of view?
Could his Self-Assurance be preventing him from listening to the other person, thinking that he is right and the other party was wrong? Could his Achiever be so focused on doing the things he has listed that he disregarded what others have to say?
Using the Strengths-Based approach, there is no SINGLE RIGHT solution, but there is always a unique solution that best utilises his own strength to resolving the conflict. I would then explore what would be the best approach for him to resolve conflicts (assuming this is an area he would like to improve on). The only thing I’ve done is to use it around the frame stated by this HBR Article.
Reframe, refocus, and redirect the conversation.
As with the first point, I’d like to identify what is the desired outcome of this suggestion. My educated guess – To synergize and create an win-win solution for both parties.
Using the language of 7 Habits, this would be Habit 4 (Think Win-Win) and Habit 6 (Synergize)
Let’s use the same two questions:
- Which Theme(s) could he use to create win-win solutions?
- Which Theme(s) might be preventing him from creating win-win solutions?
